Friday, June 02, 2017

Wifi Down

Wifi down. Could be worse. Plane could be down.

Louis CK swirling in my head. I’m sitting in a chair in the sky!

Grateful. For it. For life. For you.

But seriously, WTF to do?

With the lights out, it less dangerous. Here we are now. Entertain us.


I’m a loser. I’m a lover.

I’m a joker, I’m a toker, I’m a midnight smoker. Can’t do that either.

Was that the lyric? Dunno, can’t check. Wifi down.


Computer still works. Words still flow. Music perhaps?

Spotify no. Pandora no. Apple Music no. Can a brother rock a show?

Why am I paying for 3 music apps anyway?

Note to self: dedupe this poop.

Back to the lecture at hand. Er, monologue. Soliliqueezy.

Wifi down. Bringing us down to our kneezy.

Begging, baby baby, pleazy.

Whatever, this is cheezy.

Flight attendants prepare for landing.

Oh, thank yeezy!

-Seat 8G

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Top Ten Rules to Live By for Rap Battles

Just wanted to share this twitspiration...

Rule #10 of rap battles: No props! This ain't Carrot Top. (Ahem, @davidblevy bustin' out the phone with the line "Tell 'em all on Twitter")

Rule #9 of rap battles: If you're not ready with a rhyme, say "Yo, yo, yo, check it out" over and over 'til you got one!

Rule #8 of rap battles: Act like you've been there before! (Also applies to playoff games.)

Rule #7 of rap battles: Don't repeat a rhyme you used earlier. (Guilty as charged from @snuggiepubcrawl)

Rule #6 of rap battles: If you mess up, keep flowin'! (If the crowd is as wasted as you, they won't know the difference!)

Rule #5 of rap battles (wife's in the bathroom): Don't wear a slanket! (Ya heard, @davidblevy!?!)

Rule #4 of rap battles (per Lisa Goldman): Keep your rap battle rules separate from date night. (Busted)

Rule #3 of rap battles: It's not always what you say, it's how you say it (ie, play to the crowd)

Rule #2 of rap battles: make fun of yourself first to take the ammo away from your opponent.

Top 10 rules for rap battles. #1: always have a fall-back, go-to line. Mine is hit 'em with the baseball bat, I'm not the dog, I'm the cat.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Snuggie vs. Slanket

Who'd have ever thought that a blanket with sleeves,
Could start such a battle -- sure is hard to believe!


First came the Slanket, but it was expensive and buggy,
Leaving room for a new entrant, the low-priced Snuggie.



But wait, there's more, cuz if you order your Snuggie now,
They'll throw in a booklight, sure beats the Shamwow!


So who will emerge as the long term playa?
Slanket or Snuggie -- who's got the most flair?

Only time will tell but we'll soon get a preview,
On April 18th, with the battle of 2 live Jews.

At the end of the Snuggie Pub Crawl in the heart of Chi-town,
It's the Slanket vs. Snuggie rap battle and only 1 crown!

Snuggie Won! Ya heard. Das my werd. Video forthcoming.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Partly Cloudy

Partly sunny, partly shade...
As the cold wind blows, my memories fade.

What once was clear and crisp as a fall breeze,
Is now muddied at the bottom of a pile of leaves.

Rake and claw to the recesses of your mind,
Open the window to your heart and find...

Buried beneath the darkness and despair,
Lies the core of a soul no worse for the wear.

So the next time you find yourself falling to your knees,
Get back up, exhale and see the forest for the trees.

-Willard G. Scott

There's No Time Like the Present...

And there's no greater present than time.

Time may heal all wounds,
But it won't keep you in your prime.

What I wouldn't do for an extra hour a day,
I'd do just about anything, that is, but time.

Even a stopped clock's right twice a day,
So why must the punishment fit the crime?

There's a time for every season,
But in winter you can't grow thyme.

So let's all live in the moment,
And cherish the light that's lime.

-Life is a G-I-F-T

Saturday, October 20, 2007

The Game Changer

Like a shot to the heart but not too late,
Our love has spawned a creature of fate.

Will our destiny remain unbound,
As our feet become rooted to the ground?

Will we finally give in to the call of the West?
Or will we still keep things close to the vest?

Lots of questions, less and less time.
Will I be able to squeeze in the ocassional rhyme?

One things for certain, nothing will be the same.
But that's what I signed up for when I changed the game.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Tha Line is Fine...

There's a fine line between self-discipline and OCD,
Is that why they call it borderline?

There's a fine line between mothering and smothering,
But how else will they keep you in line?

There's a fine line between confident and cocky,
Some just know how to toe the line.

There's a fine line between love and hate,
Especially when the woman is fine.