Wifi Down

Wifi down. Could be worse. Plane could be down.

Louis CK swirling in my head. I’m sitting in a chair in the sky!

Grateful. For it. For life. For you.

But seriously, WTF to do?

With the lights out, it less dangerous. Here we are now. Entertain us.

Please.

I’m a loser. I’m a lover.

I’m a joker, I’m a toker, I’m a midnight smoker. Can’t do that either.

Was that the lyric? Dunno, can’t check. Wifi down.

Hmmm…..

Computer still works. Words still flow. Music perhaps?

Spotify no. Pandora no. Apple Music no. Can a brother rock a show?

Why am I paying for 3 music apps anyway?

Note to self: dedupe this poop.

Back to the lecture at hand. Er, monologue. Soliliqueezy.

Wifi down. Bringing us down to our kneezy.

Begging, baby baby, pleazy.

Whatever, this is cheezy.

Flight attendants prepare for landing.

-->

Oh, thank yeezy!

-Seat 8G

Top Ten Rules to Live By for Rap Battles

Just wanted to share this twitspiration...

Rule #10 of rap battles: No props! This ain't Carrot Top. (Ahem, @davidblevy bustin' out the phone with the line "Tell 'em all on Twitter") about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #9 of rap battles: If you're not ready with a rhyme, say "Yo, yo, yo, check it out" over and over 'til you got one! about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #8 of rap battles: Act like you've been there before! (Also applies to playoff games.) about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #7 of rap battles: Don't repeat a rhyme you used earlier. (Guilty as charged from @snuggiepubcrawl) about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #6 of rap battles: If you mess up, keep flowin'! (If the crowd is as wasted as you, they won't know the difference!) about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #5 of rap battles (wife's in the bathroom): Don't wear a slanket! (Ya heard, @davidblevy!?!) about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #4 of rap battles (per Lisa Goldman): Keep your rap battle rules separate from date night. (Busted) about 4 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #3 of rap battles: It's not always what you say, it's how you say it (ie, play to the crowd) about 4 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Rule #2 of rap battles: make fun of yourself first to take the ammo away from your opponent. about 4 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Top 10 rules for rap battles. #1: always have a fall-back, go-to line. Mine is hit 'em with the baseball bat, I'm not the dog, I'm the cat. about 4 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Snuggie vs. Slanket

Who'd have ever thought that a blanket with sleeves,
Could start such a battle -- sure is hard to believe!



First came the Slanket, but it was expensive and buggy,
Leaving room for a new entrant, the low-priced Snuggie.





But wait, there's more, cuz if you order your Snuggie now,
They'll throw in a booklight, sure beats the Shamwow!



So who will emerge as the long term playa?
Slanket or Snuggie -- who's got the most flair?

Only time will tell but we'll soon get a preview,
On April 18th, with the battle of 2 live Jews.

At the end of the Snuggie Pub Crawl in the heart of Chi-town,
It's the Slanket vs. Snuggie rap battle and only 1 crown!

Update: Snuggie Won! Ya heard. Das my werd. Video forthcoming.

Partly Cloudy

Partly sunny, partly shade...
As the cold wind blows, my memories fade.

What once was clear and crisp as a fall breeze,
Is now muddied at the bottom of a pile of leaves.

Rake and claw to the recesses of your mind,
Open the window to your heart and find...

Buried beneath the darkness and despair,
Lies the core of a soul no worse for the wear.

So the next time you find yourself falling to your knees,
Get back up, exhale and see the forest for the trees.

-Willard G. Scott

There's No Time Like the Present...

And there's no greater present than time.

Time may heal all wounds,
But it won't keep you in your prime.

What I wouldn't do for an extra hour a day,
I'd do just about anything, that is, but time.

Even a stopped clock's right twice a day,
So why must the punishment fit the crime?

There's a time for every season,
But in winter you can't grow thyme.

So let's all live in the moment,
And cherish the light that's lime.

-Life is a G-I-F-T

The Game Changer

Like a shot to the heart but not too late,
Our love has spawned a creature of fate.

Will our destiny remain unbound,
As our feet become rooted to the ground?

Will we finally give in to the call of the West?
Or will we still keep things close to the vest?

Lots of questions, less and less time.
Will I be able to squeeze in the ocassional rhyme?

One things for certain, nothing will be the same.
But that's what I signed up for when I changed the game.

-Papa-G

Tha Line is Fine...

There's a fine line between self-discipline and OCD,
Is that why they call it borderline?

There's a fine line between mothering and smothering,
But how else will they keep you in line?

There's a fine line between confident and cocky,
Some just know how to toe the line.

There's a fine line between love and hate,
Especially when the woman is fine.

-----------------------G--------------------------

Can't Buy Me Love...

Unless you got deep pockets.

Can't stop the shining...
Unless you got red rockets.

We shall overcome...
Unless we're underwhelmed.

And we shall live in peace...
Unless Bush is at the helm.

The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice...
Unless the berry is buried and the rim is loose.

One of these things is not like the other...
Unless he's just your brother from another mother.

Same bat time, same bat channel...
Same bad tie, same bad flannel.

Can't touch this... unless you can.
Can't fade me... unless you're tan.
Can't hold me down... unless you're strong.
Can't play me... unless this is your song.

-G... unless it's F.

Chocolate Rain

Pourin' down like thunder,
From a land way down under.

'Neath the sky, don't know why;
But sure as hell makes you wonder.

-G (breathe)

Dem Beautiful Girls

Whatchu know 'bout me? Young squire.
You ain't nuthing' but a G. Thang. Fire.

In the hole, with so much soul...
Feelin' the flow and ready to go.

Where? Don't matter. Just fit you in the black hatter.
Got you suicidal witcho fallen idol, and dem girls...

-G-Press(on)

Where were you?

Where were you when the planes hit the tower?
Counting each minute, hour after hour.

Where were you when JFK's death bell tolled?
Taking in the sun and view from the grassy knoll.

Where were you when we invaded Vietnam?
Still protesting the dropping of the Atom Bomb.

Where were you when the market crashed?
Speakin' easy with a cig dangling ash.

Where where you when independence was won?
Flying a kite out of site with no powder in my gun.

Where were you when push came to shove?
Soaring like an eagle on the wings of a dove.

-G-whiz

G-whiz baby pleez...

Let me take you to an island with a sweet cool breeze. You don't feel like driving baby hand me the keys and we can mmmmmmmm, put your mind at ease.

Put my mind at what? Put my mind out where? Like I'm playing with you brother and your jerry curl hair. C'mon mon - it's the island we seek. Where the players play and the women are meek.

Sensatiable, insatiable, fellatiable, you know my game's no bull.

Try me, die me, wine me and dine me - kick me in the eye and I might try to fly me... to the moon. Benvenido, a Miami.

Like I care about my hair,
-G-curl

Give it up, stop...

Make it hip, hop. Take him down, town. Where's the up, side? Is that a double, wide?

-That hit the G, spot.

I Set Out To Be Tha Lyrical G

It was not a conscious decision, more circumstance than precision.

It came to me, dear as family, now I'm livin' tha life o' my volition.

-G-had

Was Tha Werd?

Werd, werd, werd -- tha byrd is tha werd. Flyin' high thru the sky like an eagle so high.

Ya gotta get up to get down. Now dance for me, ya sad clown. Come on now, dance, dance. Revolution.

You say da, I say jah, mon. I wanna jam on witchu. Said the jammin' Jew. So whatcha gonna do? Was I talkin' to you? Nah, mon.

-G, mon-y

Precipitation precipitated the perks of perculation

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. Had a kernel with the Colonel with the mustard hair.

Looked him in the eye. Saw only that I... just didn't care.

Kinda makes you wonder. With all the stress that you're under. Where?

Never before seen and never again been... a has. A razz, a dazz. And all that jazz.

Lightly sweetened, lightly salted. Put the brakes on the breaks until we halted.

Stopped right there. Still without a care. Paid the man a fare and began the affair.

It felt good and it felt nice. Like chicken soup with rice served over ice.

I had a ball, told the bitch I'd call. Then out came the fall as I hit the wall.

Still not a feeling I could understand. Why didn't I care that I was half the man?

I used to be... gleefully and full of glee. Just couldn't see...

The dogg from the dogged. The water from the logged. The hogger from the hogged.

The bishop seized the night. Knowing he was right. Gave the queen a fright. Before moving out of sight.

Keep it in check, mate. Don't darely tempt fate. Can't hardly wait to lift the weight off my plate.

So take a load off. Put it on me. That's me caring... hardily.

Closing time is here. And though the feeling's near. I nearly saw clearly the path to the clear.

When I get there, I fear, I'll fare-well enough to care. Until then I'll keep an ear to the air.

That was corny,
Cobble-G

Crikey

By and by, the minutes fly. Compounded by daze. Exponentially phrased. Rather, frayed. Split end to the right. Got you in my sight. Makes me wonder what's down under. Looking, searching, coming up for air. Do I dare? Derriere? Shake it, shake it. The sugar's free. On the reef or wharf - rats. Cats. Meow. The apple of my brow. Pasteurized. Just past your eyes. There. To the left. No, my left. Cleft. Lip. Slip. Drrrrrop. Don't stop. Funky hip hop. Rise to the top. Carrot. Share it. Sell it to the butcher in the store. Ya whore. Ravage. Cabbage. Smells like... teen spirit? Cheer or jeer it. Just steer it. Away. From here. Everclear. Lemon. Drrrrrrrrrrrop. Isn't she gorgeous? Later.

-Ali-G-Ator

wang bang doodle

all night long - sing me a song - piano man. biddy biddy bop - woo hoo - choo choo. come on and ride it - slip slide it - away. from here - where the only thing that's clear, is the arbor mist - god, how i miss - her.

-Never Endin-G

Will It Ever Stop?

Yo - I don't be knowin-G

Random 5

If at first you don’t succeed, try the other pen. And if, at last, all else fails, breathe and count to ten.

-G-unit of measure